This Llama Needs a Job
Comments:2
THIS LLAMA NEEDS A JOB
Meet Sweetpea.
Sweetpea is 5 years old and was born to a life of luxury.
Day in, day out, Sweetpea grazes in the pasture, drinks fresh water from a constantly filled water supply, and eats as much sweet feed, rolled oats and cracked corn as her heart desires.
Sweetpea has a luxurious coat of fleece and fiber, the softest fur you can run your fingers through. She is groomed yearly and has regular checkups. She has produced 2 healthy offspring and is great with (human) children.
Sweetpea needs a job.
She is bored. She paces the fence line, trying to catch the eyes of passing cars by doing her best poses and tricks. She says the past 3 years have been devoted to the care, feeding, and weaning of her babies. She is now ready to work full-time, she wants to contribute… to talk with other “grown ups”.
Together we created her résumé and she was quick to point out her strong points:
1- Leadership. She is the oldest female in the herd and all the others follow her lead.
2- Sales and Marketing. With her quick poses, tricks, head tosses, and trots, people stop to admire her and immediately decide they have to have a llama, hence boosting sales of all llamas ready for purchase.
3- Team Development & Management. She quickly trains her newborns to adapt to the ways of the herd. The other members grudgingly follow her lead and are sometimes not happy about it, but she encourages group synergy by praising accomplishments (proper hay chewing techniques) and motivating them to work harder together (“alright, on three… toss the head to the left, then back to the right… now stretch it to the sky. Just like that. Great job!”).
Sweetpea adds that she is flexible when it comes to pay, but she would lean toward a position that offered fresh veggies daily (versus the old soggy ones in the back of the crisper drawer). Travel is a consideration, but relocation is out of the question.
She looks forward to working with you and says she can be reached by email or on her iPhone.
Thank You.
Written by Erin Kennedy, MCD, CMRW, CPRW - Visit the website to hire executive resume writer Erin Kennedy, CERW, CPRW
Erin is an internationally renowned certified resume writer specializing in professional and executive level resumes and career services.
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Erin Kennedy, MCD, CMRW, CPRW owns Professional Resume Services, where she and her talented staff of writers specialize in professional & executive resumes. Erin is internationally recognized by her peers as one of the best of the best, she is a perennial award-nominated certified resume writer.
Hello Sweetpea,
I am sure you won’t have any trouble finding work. There are lots of jobs out there even though I just looked for some on LINKUP.com for you and couldn’t find one exactly for you I did find a couple. First, there are lots of openings for golf caddies. I know some country clubs are looking for those this year. Because your hooves never leave a footprint or tear up the grass, you can do that job. Also, there are a few job for tobacco spitters…you are a natural spitter, and I am sure the tobacco folks need some new ideas in this area.
Lastly, some dog owners would love to have you teach THEIR dogs about your daily number 2 bathroom skill of , generally, leaving your surprises in the same pile day after day. It does make for easier clean up.
Have fun today…sounds to me like you don’t really want a real job. Life must be good right where you are,
Your friend,
GL HOFFMAN
Minneapolis, MN
http://www.LINKUP.com
http://www.whatwoulddadsay.com
http://www.UsedtoHaveLlamasMyselfButNotForFood.com
Submitted on 2009/04/23 at 8:10am
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Dear GL,
Thank you so much for your speedy reply!
Funny… there must be a shortage of golf caddies out there because I was recently approached by someone with a silly name like Lion or Cougar or something to travel with him on his golf tours. Unfortunately he required that I permanently relocate with he and his family. It would be too hard for me to leave my herd. If he were local, I would have considered…
True, I do have a way with dogs, so training them might be a skill I can add to my resume. Thanks for the suggestion!
However, being the lady that I am, I simply will not reduce myself to spitting. I will not. Old William (the herd sire who needs to retire) does on occasion and I think it is just disgusting.
I sincerely appreciate the links you added and I think I will go straight to LINKUP.com and see what is available.
Sounds like you are a llama person yourself. I am amazingly fast with a computer if you need a Virtual Assistant?
Thanks again,
Sweetpea
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Aaww! Precious! Maybe Sweetpea could get a musical gig – she probably likes to hum?
It just doesn’t do to have a bored llama. Such beautiful eyes, too!
Aaww! Precious! Maybe Sweetpea could get a musical gig – she probably likes to hum? It just doesn’t do to have a bored llama. Such beautiful eyes, too!
artzytabby@yahoo.com
lapeerclik
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Thanks. You are so right. Bored llamas are a sad sight. I try to keep her happy with Starbucks and People magazines, but she says she still just needs to get a job. We’ll keep looking and I’ll keep you posted.
Thanks. You are so right. Bored llamas are a sad sight. I try to keep her happy with Starbucks and People magazines, but she says she still just needs to get a job. We’ll keep looking and I’ll keep you posted.
erinkennedy
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Submitted on 2009/04/26 at 5:19pm
What a witty reminder of how everyone (even Llamas) have skills, talents, and experience that can be utilized in the workplace.
Great story!
Kris Plantrich
kris@resumewonders.com
careeressentials
http://www.resumewonders.com
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Submitted on 2009/04/26 at 7:19pm
So true… everyone has useful skills to share, even llamas.
Thanks.
Erin